he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
