you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
