Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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