I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
