Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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