my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I don't deserve a penis
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
