her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
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