She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
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