Kiss
Puke
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
