Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
