found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
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