How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
we're making bets on your personal life
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
