Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
