I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
