Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
