I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Did you just see the Batmobile???
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Randomize
