peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
