I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Randomize
