Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I pour the whiskey from now on
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
