i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Randomize
