shes about as inviting as chlamydia
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Randomize
