Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
