i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
