"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I think my vagina is haunted
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
