Please, let me fuck your mom
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Randomize
