You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
