we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize
