Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
