I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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