he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Randomize
