Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Randomize
