The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Randomize
