It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
