There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
