i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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