During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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