Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Randomize
