Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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