I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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