I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
