Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Randomize
