The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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