so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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