we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
