I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Randomize
