i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
So vagazzling was a success
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I smell like Dick and happiness
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
