you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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