I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
