Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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