You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
