I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
