New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
