dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
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