at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize
